My girlfriend first raised this topic with me ages ago and I thought it was so true–and humorous–that I’m recycling it for today’s topic. Thank you, LEJS.
What I don’t understand today are ambiguous deodorant names. I went to my local Meijer store several weeks ago and perused the aisles just to get a handle on what companies like Old Spice and Adidas are trying to communicate with these names. I’ve decided that they:
1. …are largely trying to capture a sentiment. I get that. I understand that a high-school senior might think the best underarm protection for him–especially during football season–would be something called, “Game Day.” But how, exactly, does that describe the scent?? It doesn’t. Game Day means grass, sweat, dirt, and potentially a bloody nose or torn ACL.
Old Spice and Adidas scents that fit this category: Swagger [?!], Showtime, Pure Sport, After Hours [again…what?!], Control, Pure, Intensive, Sport Fever [should not remind you of the SNL “Da Bears” skit, I hope. Because that would mean it smells like obese men smoking cigars and sweating on a basement couch with a bucket of chicken wings.]
2. They are trying to sell something you long for, usually relating to freedom in nature. Case in point: Aqua Reef. Seriously, a reef smells like shark poo and salt. Is that what they’re selling me?? Others I’m putting in this category are: Pacific Surge, Arctic Force, Fresh Blast, Mountain Fresh, etc.
Lastly, in this vein, I’ll discuss a candle name I came across on our beloved trip to the casino this past October. Sure, maybe it is a challenge to come up with appropriate and inspiring fragrance titles for candles, but tell me. Does “Denim Breeze” [in a casino, mind you] make you want to hand over $18 to have your house smell like DENIM?
“Denim Breeze” says to me:
1. …stinky, smoky Toughskins in which a truck driver regularly farts
2. …jeans drying on the clothesline–maybe?? Although “denim” doesn’t evoke anything cozy and romantic like “Linen Breeze” would. It’s a kindergarten teacher’s jumper. An unfortunate basement sectional. 1980’s decor. Bad.
3. …again, it’s too close to wind, as in passing it. Through your demin.
I’d love to hear your favorite ambiguous scent names! Make shopping more fun by scouting out the ridiculous and reporting back 🙂 Share them here or post them on my Facebook page.
Admissions of a Suburban Philosopher 
Jane,
We could give 2 (expletives) about the scent. If it doesn’t bug us, keeps us from smelling bad, and doesn’t annoy our wives or significant others…throw it in the cart. The name is where the money is.
Deodorant is magic to guys. It magically keeps us from stinking. We have no idea how it works and so if it can do that kind of magic, who knows what other magic it can do. The companies know it and are only trying to make us think about all of the possibilities that magic stick of smelly stuff can deliver.
“High endurance” – something all guys want and in a hundred different situations
“Game Day” – Old guys would give a kidney to get to go back to playing on game, now they just live and die on game day in the stands. Old guys can always use magic on game day. Young guys need the magic too, especially if they are playing.
“Aqua Reef” / “Pacific Surge” – Beats the heck out Fennville in November.
If you see any “Disappearing autumn leaves” or “Trophy Bass” on the shelves, gimme a holler.
HAHAHA!! Andy, you have won my “Best Comment Ever” award! If “Trophy Bass” was a real thing, I’d be sending it your way as the prize. Sadly for you, all I saw on the shelves at Meijer today was “7 point Buck” and “Lambeau Field”.
You should ask my mom about the hazelnut candle entitled “Smell my Nuts” she had a while back.
HA!! That’s the funniest thing I’ve heard all day. You should ask her where she got it–it’d make a great gag gift. 🙂
Ban’s “Sweet Surrender” has always confused me. What does that have to do with deodorant?
Seriously! Sounds like the next Britney Spears fragrance.