Let’s pause for a moment of honesty. [Exhale through the nose]…
I ate the whole. box.
[Minus five cookies which were generously allotted to my children.]
I mean, this was over several days, so don’t go pointing fingers. I’m sure I’m not the only person who’s ever eaten more than the “suggested serving size.” Those are just guidelines, anyway.
I didn’t really know I loved fortune cookies this much until they became a secret treasure to be consumed in the late evening hours. Preferably during an edifying episode of The Bachelor. In case you didn’t know, some food just tastes better in your pajamas [no charge for that priceless tidbit].
Maybe it’s the elastic waist band that is so forgiving, or the fact that it’s quiet and you can hear your teeth crunching without the background noise of kids fighting over who forgot to flush the toilet.
At any rate, what I discovered [beyond my penchant for binging] is that fortune cookies are like free therapy! Who knew?! Biting into one of these is like flipping on a grown-up version of Barney and having a group of cheerleaders spring into your living room for encouragement, cartwheels and all.
So now I know: in those moments when gray clouds seem to crawl over my future, all I need to do is look at this array of oh-so-specific fortunes for a quick pick-me-up:
1. “You will make a sudden rise in life.” [That is correct. Starting with my weight.]
2. “Opportunity will soon knock. When it does, answer the door!” [Ding-Dong: Girl Scout cookies!]
3. “Your golden opportunity is coming shortly.”
4. “The weekend ahead predicts enjoyment.”
5. “A charming friendship is in the making.”
6. “Grant yourself a wish this year; only you can do it.”
7. “Opportunities surround you if you know where to look.”
Don’t you just feel better already? I told you–instant cheerleaders, right? Opportunities abound, and good times and charming friends are coming my way! Fantastic!
So next time you need free therapy, head down your nearest “ethnic” aisle at the grocery story and look for that lovely, shiny blue box of LaChoy goodness. Happiness and instant optimism for only $1.97!
Grab your jammies and dive in.